Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
