It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
