Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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