before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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