apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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