Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
