Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
