He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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