I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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