hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
