from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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