Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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