she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
