i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
