his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
