She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
