why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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