So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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