you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
