Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
