They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
