at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
