Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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