Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
