I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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