Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
