oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
