Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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