Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
