Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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