My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
this just has baby written all over it
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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