Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
