I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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