She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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