Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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