would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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