i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
