Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
