Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
