I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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