I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize