I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
