Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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