Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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