yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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