Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
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