Your tits are I can't wait for
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
4 words: hood of his car
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
