that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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