I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Randomize
