It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
