Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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