He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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