He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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