Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
