I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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