Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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