you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
