Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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