he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
