Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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