I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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