The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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