I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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