You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
