So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
