"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
