that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
