Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
