I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
