He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
