So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
