get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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