Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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