I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
