I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
