we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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