Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
there is glitter all over my balls
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
