The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Ketchup is God's man juice
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
